tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38244922011-04-21T10:46:10.386-07:00Simon Crean MPJournal of an aspiring PM
simoncreansimon@hotmail.com
<a href="http://www.alor.org/">league of rights</a>
<a href="http://www.crikey.com.au">crikey</a>
<a href="http://www.younglibs.org.au">young libs</a>
<a href="http://www.alp.org.au">labor</a>
<a href="http://www.mumble.com.au">mumble</a>
<a href="http://www.onenation.com.au">one nation</a>
<a href="http://www.npa.org.au">nats</a>
<a href="http://www.abc.net.au">abc</a>Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comBlogger1041100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1070008715544764292003-11-28T00:38:00.000-08:002003-11-28T00:39:23.200-08:00If you are reading this it means I have been murdered.
I got this email today. Senders' name left out.
dear mr crean,
i'm sorry to hear the bad news of your departure as the leader of the opposition. i'm not an australian citizen but i've been here studying in australia while you were opposition leader & witnessed you through your troubles. i must say sir, you have had one hell of a ride. i Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1068961722099778422003-11-15T21:48:00.000-08:002003-11-15T21:49:12.653-08:00Quote unquote:
"We decide the arses we lick, and the circumstances in which we lick them"
Prime Minister John Howard, in London showing off to Fleet Street.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1067138292756246512003-10-25T20:18:00.000-07:002003-10-25T20:18:16.186-07:00From a reader
Johnnie Howard isn’t the only federal pollie to go under various aliases or
alternative spellings.
"Mr. Howard has a very favorable rating as a prime minister compared with
the opposition alternative, Mr. Kreen." - PBS NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.
Krispy Kreen?
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1065681368443815912003-10-08T23:36:00.000-07:002003-10-08T23:36:08.270-07:00A*** licking, part XXXXIVAs we all know, the Prime Minister John Howard enjoys great authority in his party - and indeed the National Party. In particular, there is a half dozen or so members of marginal regional seats - that Townsville bible basher Peter Lindsay is one example - whose position on their PM lies somewhere between infatuation and hero-worship.
They love him because he is the PM and says things they Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1065506590939405992003-10-06T23:03:00.000-07:002003-10-06T23:03:37.540-07:00Cole Porter I love Jakarta in the springtime
I love Jakarta in the fall
I love Jakarta in the summer when it sizzles
I love Jakarta in the summer, when it pours
I love Jakarta every moment
Every moment of the year
I love Jakarta, why oh why do I love Jakarta?
Because my love is here.
That's Megawati Sukarnoputri to you. Mega to me. I love her so. Especially when she leaves me melting in the Jakarta traffic Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1064552008854437892003-09-25T21:53:00.000-07:002003-09-25T21:55:02.773-07:00One day Prime Minister John Howard was sitting in his office with nothing to do. Treasurer Costello was running a razor gang, Phllip Ruddock was banging on about refos, Alex Downer was lecturing the UN about something, saying "don't you know who I am?". John Howard was bored and restless. So he went out to do a little arse-licking.
He left Parly House and walked across the bridge towards Civic.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1064551155112532182003-09-25T21:39:00.000-07:002003-09-25T21:39:14.756-07:00What's the point in it all? There is none. That's how I'm feeling today.
I know I'm a jerk with no pulling power. Of course my comparisons between myself and John Howard when he was opposition leader are pathetic. But what's a fellow to do?
People often stop me in the street and ask me why I bother. Just this week I was strolling with Martin down Flinders Street when a bloke with two kids in Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1063836605300533452003-09-17T15:10:00.000-07:002003-09-17T18:45:08.890-07:00More on his special skill
When President of the Young Liberals, John Howard once met Sir Robert Menzies.
"My dear boy", the Great Man rumbled, "you have no personality, you are eminently forgettable, you are no orator. People are not drawn to you. Your voice sounds silly. In short you have absolutely nothing going for you, except one thing:
"You are an arse-licker. You are the most Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1063756205025253542003-09-16T16:50:00.000-07:002003-09-16T16:53:00.810-07:00"I never met an arse I didn't want to lick". So begins John Howard in his new book "How to Succeed in Australian Politics".
This is a marvelous read, by a writer with a sure hand. Its thesis can be boiled down thus: if you're a man with little going for you in policy, personality or presentation, you must be prepared to exercise the tongue.
As Howard writes: "you have to lick and lick until Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1062751365100928242003-09-05T01:42:00.000-07:002003-09-05T01:42:45.083-07:00From time to time I get email intended for you know who. Got this today
dear fuckwit,
i know one of ur lackeys is reading this and not you!
but i must pass on my utter disgust at you for gagging your two
backbenchers on
the question of zionist aggression on the palestinian people.
its things such as this that make people like me , and all my friends and
family, want to work Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1062625364087076552003-09-03T14:42:00.000-07:002003-09-03T14:43:47.126-07:00Martin phoned. "Mate, fines sup smar bout fair, nt Rudd cks tup" (You finally say something smart about current affairs, and Kevin Rudd stuffs it up") See Deciphering Martin.
Too right. I wish these guys would get hold of the songsheet.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1062573281713978182003-09-03T00:14:00.000-07:002003-09-03T00:14:41.700-07:00Hillary's on my tail. I'd better hi-tail it.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-1062470808539028952003-09-01T19:46:00.000-07:002003-09-01T19:46:48.543-07:00I'm going to be rich!
The other day I got this.
Sir,
It is indeed my pleasure to write you this letter, which I believe will be a
surprise to you. I
actually found your email address at the trade and email listings here in
Pretoria, South
Africa.
I work at the Ministry of Minerals and Energy in South Africa and have the
mandate of two
of my senior colleagues to search discreetly and Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-956572622003-06-14T02:46:00.000-07:002003-06-14T22:43:22.000-07:00I got this email recently. I'm taking out references to name as perhaps the person is just ... troubled.
Dear Simon Crean
I have stood for Council Elections in THE CITY OF NUNAWADING, VICTORIA, where I got 14% of the votes in the City Of Morack, in the elections that were held prior to the 2003 Nunawading Council elections.
I am known to
Cr Jessie McCallum - Mayor
Cr Peter Allan
I Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-864548812002-12-23T15:44:00.000-08:002002-12-23T15:46:38.000-08:00John Howard Prime Minister sat in the 2UE studios. His headphones were on, the great John Laws opposite was singing the praises of some caryard or other. Howard knew what was to be served up in the near future - it had been pre-arranged - and his stomach rumbled. It was going to be good, he hadn't gorged for a while. He was suffering withdrawal.
The Great Man finished his plug, and was back. "Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-862654482002-12-19T03:33:00.000-08:002002-12-19T03:33:21.740-08:00"Ken, my old friend" said Prime Minister John Howard. He was reclining with a cigar and glass of scotch. "Have you seen this new book by Keith Windschuttle? It pains me when such things are written, as I have always had a great deal of affection for Aboriginal Australians. But the truth must out. If Windschuttle says there were no atrocities committed by our forefathers, and indeed the only Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-862514002002-12-18T19:19:00.000-08:002002-12-18T19:19:36.046-08:00John Howard, Prime Minister of Australia, the best country in the world to live in bar none, had the Concise Oxford Dictionary open at page 917. He read the relevant listing out to his faithful manservant Ken. "Racism. Theory that human abilities etc. are determined by race."
"That's all master?" asked Ken, as he polished his master's shoes.
"That's all! I'm off the hook. I have never suggestedSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-860120692002-12-14T18:13:00.000-08:002002-12-14T18:13:45.806-08:00I know Reithy wasn't defence minister in 1999 but call it artistic license.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-860106992002-12-14T17:25:00.000-08:002002-12-14T17:41:54.000-08:00One day in mid 1999
Prime Minister John Howard threw his glasses down on his desk and turned to his defence minister. "Peter", he said, "I will abide it no longer. The East Timorese have been suffering under the Javanese yoke for nigh on a quarter of a century now. My predecessors shirked this responsibility but I cannot. We shall right this terrible wrong. Get Peter Cosgrove on the phone. He'sSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-860089222002-12-14T16:20:00.000-08:002002-12-14T16:20:33.546-08:00A walk in the park
It is a smashing day in Melbourne. Just back from the Botanical Gardens where Martin and I and our spouses had a mini picnic. Threw some bread into the pond for the ducks. He's a good mate. "N year' sun" ["Next year's the one", see deciphering Martin] he told me. He usually knows what to say. Next year we consolidate.
Anyway, we were walking back to the carpark, the women in Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-860037972002-12-14T13:30:00.000-08:002002-12-14T16:22:39.000-08:00Another dream
I'll write this down before I forget it. Dream last night: I'm on a plane with Kim Beazley, we're flying to Baghdad of all places, where we're both giving a talk on world security or some such. Kim's really into this stuff, while I've just got a speech to read from. Kim's telling me he might wing it on the podium, just go extemporaneous. Just the thought makes my guts churn. Then ISimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-859831282002-12-13T23:16:00.000-08:002002-12-13T23:30:37.000-08:00!Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-859733672002-12-13T18:22:00.000-08:002002-12-13T18:22:35.236-08:00I've been called gutless. Made no friends here either.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-857718482002-12-09T23:35:00.000-08:002002-12-09T23:49:37.000-08:00There are two types of Carmens .. sorry, people .... in this world, those who ... hang on, where was I? .. yes, those who are Carmen Lawrence and those that aren't. Actually, there are two types of Carmens in this world: one is an opera often nominated by people who don't really care much for opera as their favourite, but pooh-poohed somewhat by the operati. There's a good line to be done with Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-857460532002-12-09T13:33:00.000-08:002002-12-09T13:48:19.000-08:00Pavlov's Dog
Pavlov would have loved John Howard. Pavlov was the bloke with the dog who salivated in anticipation of food when he rang a bell.
Have you noticed our PM literally salivates when certain buttons are pressed in radio interviews? For example, John Laws would be only half way through a question on immigration and you can hear a grunt and slurp, Howard's heart rate's gone up, he's Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-857455922002-12-09T13:24:00.000-08:002002-12-09T13:41:33.000-08:00Angry White Males
Further on the Angry White Males thing. Carmen's got the wrong end of the stick, it's not the opinion polls that keep us a pale imitation of the Howard government, it's that the heavy hitters in the party are all angry blokes who think John Howard's got it pretty well right.
Take Mark, the Angriest White Male. His parliamentary excoriations of right wing columnists, plus Tony Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-856285902002-12-06T22:07:00.000-08:002002-12-06T22:08:00.000-08:00Alan and Mark, you see, are both members of a think tank called the Whitlam Institute. They colluded to oust the Chairman Peter Botsman a couple of months ago, so they've got form.
So they see each other from time to time, presumably have each other's emails and so on. It would be beyond belief to imagine that my name never came up, or that Alan wouldn't be egging Mark to have a go.
Carmen's Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-856098832002-12-06T13:26:00.000-08:002002-12-06T13:53:06.000-08:00The question for you Carmen is: if you cut me down, who will follow? You can get an idea from today's Alan Ramsey two pronged pre-emptive strike. The main column is choc-full, as is Alan's wont, of slabs of dialogue - yours this time from your dummy spit. Alan's final words: "She is talking about leadership, of course. Goodbye, Simon Crean."
Then, the bottom bar again sings the praises of, guessSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-855253872002-12-04T22:40:00.000-08:002002-12-04T22:40:54.186-08:00Another most unpleasant dream. This time Carmen's quitting the front bench at about the worst time possible, having a general spray at me and the party on the way out.
It seemed so real.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-853991902002-12-02T14:48:00.000-08:002002-12-02T14:48:25.333-08:00If you thought I was unimpressive last night on 7:30 Report, just put yourself in my shoes. It's been a hellish year, especially the last month or so. My confidence is so shot that I knew I sounded lame even while I was answering Kerry's questions. Surely you've been there; you suspect that all your critics are right. I know I'm not as impressive at all this stuff as Kim Beazley, but look where Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-852707972002-11-29T14:39:00.000-08:002002-11-29T19:55:22.000-08:00Today is Bracksday. Bracksie's wanted nothing to do with me over the last month. If you suspect I'm a little hurt, you're right. I'm only human. If you cut me, do I not bleed?
John Howard gets to go in and urge this that and the other. I hope a seat or two goes Green, I really do. I voted Green. Don't tell Martin though, for God's sake. Martin hates the Greens and all the "un-strayn nkers" [Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-851989102002-11-27T22:34:00.000-08:002002-11-27T22:34:45.000-08:00I mean it, below is a real email I received. It's a good sentiment.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-851483852002-11-26T22:02:00.000-08:002002-11-26T22:03:25.000-08:00A reader writes:
"How long are you going to fiddle while Australia burns? Howard is leading us into the jaws of Hell and the Labour Party is guilty of compliance by not taking any stand on any issue.You simply appear to be playing follow the leader,as did Beazley in the last election and you will never get anywhere if that impression prevails in the electorate. The detainees, war with Iraq, Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-849449692002-11-22T14:41:00.000-08:002002-11-22T15:04:01.000-08:00Anniversary of my ascension yesterday. Gave a speech to the Fabian Society - tried to make it fiery, but I'm feeling flat. Still out of sorts from events of earlier in the week. It's been a hard one.
It has been said by more than a few that part of the problem - my inability to inspire the masses - is that I hang around with Martin too much, that we're "too close". Well, we are close. And MartinSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-848364552002-11-20T14:24:00.000-08:002002-11-20T14:24:01.846-08:00I've been busy lately, you understand. Also not inclined to put my thoughts down. I no longer believe Mark is the leaker. I feel a little bad about suggesting he was. I'll get back to you later.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-846023082002-11-15T17:36:00.000-08:002002-11-15T17:38:22.000-08:00I agree with Alan that Howard will retire next year. After overtaking Malcolm Fraser next July he knows that to beat Hawkie would require another election win. Howard knows, because he talks to psephologist Malcolm Mackerras, that he doesn't have another win in him.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-846021752002-11-15T17:33:00.000-08:002002-11-15T17:33:01.203-08:00But where does he get it? Mark of Werriwa, that's who.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-845981382002-11-15T15:27:00.000-08:002002-11-15T17:33:56.000-08:00Alan Ramsey's giving me less than six months to live. Where does he get this stuff? I mean, really, it's total nonsense. I wouldn't bother reading it.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-843296992002-11-10T13:41:00.000-08:002002-11-10T13:41:54.820-08:00Michael Danby's been talking to Glenn Milne. It's kind of a proxy war between Glenn and Alan Ramsey.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-842502292002-11-08T14:00:00.000-08:002002-11-08T14:00:11.150-08:00Alan Ramsey probably gets about five bucks a word. In today's Sydney Morning Herald his bottom bar ended with this
Finally, a pun to end all puns. Remember, the white rabbit story a few months back from press gallery colleague Geoff Barker? His latest email will mean nothing to anyone ignorant of the Andrews sisters' rousing 1940s hit, Ragtime Cowboy Joe. But if not, then sit back and savour.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-839790512002-11-03T16:59:00.000-08:002002-11-03T17:02:11.000-08:00The sleeping pill knocked me out but didn't stop the dreams. Had another nasty one last night. I'm in a big shopping centre. I'm feeling uncomfortable as those things always give me the willies anyway. Carmen and Martin are there. Carmen is talking to several people and they're having a great time, laughing and joking. Martin and I are just kind of hanging around, not knowing what to do. I go up Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-839517712002-11-03T00:57:00.000-08:002002-11-03T16:49:09.000-08:00Another nightmare from last night I've just remembered. It was most unpleasant. I was being chased by Alan Ramsey. He had a big fat rolled up copy of the Saturday Sydney Morning Herald and was obviously intending to inflict harm on my head with it. I'm having trouble getting away - my legs are dragging. Then Mark Latham appears in front of me. At first I'm relieved to see him, but then he too hasSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-839408492002-11-02T18:35:00.000-08:002002-11-02T18:36:17.000-08:00Slept poorly last night. An awful dream: I'm running after Carmen for some reason and I just can't get going. I really need to catch her but my legs won't do it for me. I woke up in a sweat.
Consequently I'm feeling out of sorts today.
I phoned Martin just after lunch. He said he doesn't see what all the fuss is about the ASIO raids as the people are "un-Strayn" ["un-Australian" see decipheringSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-838505242002-10-31T16:39:00.000-08:002002-10-31T16:41:45.000-08:00Dennis ("oh yes, yes, yes Prime Minister!") Shanahan is at it again.
Let me quote:
The popularity of John Howard means more people are now prepared to see him as the man who acts out the national story, the leader prepared to say what is the national spirit – "tough as tungsten" – and the man who can put an arm around a grieving relative or be bear-hugged by one. It is a side of Howard that Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-838457172002-10-31T14:34:00.000-08:002002-10-31T14:35:49.000-08:00Alan's been quiet lately. Perhaps Mark told him to hold his fire for a while. Or maybe he's preparing the mother of all assaults.
Just between us, dear Diary, I hope Bracksie comes a cropper this November/December. That clown Doyle would make a hopeless Premier, and come the next election a hopeless Liberal Premier would be nice to have around. If we can nobble Bob Carr next March that would be Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-836475342002-10-27T21:45:00.000-08:002002-10-28T21:28:50.000-08:00 KONFRONTASI II
This fell off the back of a truck:
LIBERAL PARTY MEMO
Date: October 28 2002
Priority: Medium
TO: All Coalition parliamentarians
CC: Lynton Crosby
FROM: John Howard, Prime Minister and Parliamentary Leader
SUBJECT:Indonesia and the next election.
MESSAGE:
Colleagues, let me begin by congratulating you all on the government's Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-836395122002-10-27T18:52:00.000-08:002002-10-27T18:52:48.313-08:00As I've said before, I don't expect Glenn Milne to do anything other than write what's in the interests of the Coalition.
But I still don't enjoy seeing stuff like this.
Catchyas. I'll post further later.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-835897142002-10-27T03:59:00.000-08:002002-10-27T03:59:57.563-08:00No swims on Sunday. Had a pleasant one. Very pleasant.
Night night.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-835369152002-10-25T19:49:00.000-07:002002-10-25T19:52:20.000-07:00Saturday is Big Swim day. I sleep in a little to about seven, laze around for about half an hour, and then off to the pool for a longer, more leisurely but no less exhausting swim. This morning I got 63 slow laps in. A glorious, comforting warmth that seeps into every muscle.
I don't even open the paper until after I'm back and showered with the coffee, orange juice and - that other Saturday Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-835325552002-10-25T17:32:00.000-07:002002-10-25T19:58:41.000-07:00ANOTHER MEMO
Date: October 26 2002
Priority: High
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT:Today's Sydney Morning Herald - Alan Ramsey column.
MESSAGE:
Further to Thursday's memo, by now you all would have read Alan Ramsey's column in today's Saturday Herald.
This is a wonderful result, of which each and every one of you can be Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-834817922002-10-24T15:24:00.000-07:002002-10-25T19:55:12.000-07:00Dennis Shanahan is getting his nose all dripping wet again.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-834399752002-10-23T20:05:00.000-07:002002-10-23T20:18:54.000-07:00ANOTHER MEMO
Date: October 24 2002
Priority: High
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT: Saturday's Sydney Morning Herald - Alan Ramsey column.
MESSAGE:
Let me start by thanking everyone for their co-operation with the instructions of the memo of Tuesday 22nd October. I understand it may have seemed draconian, but the steps Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-833939602002-10-23T00:09:00.000-07:002002-10-23T00:09:25.670-07:00My gran used to say 'these things are sent to try us'.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-833792882002-10-22T18:02:00.000-07:002002-10-22T18:03:23.000-07:00Mark must think I'm silly. I know he's Alan's candidate. Alan's out of context reference to "One Crean defender, NSW's Mark Latham" just laid it on too thick.
They're plotting together. Don't the fools know that we'll just destroy each other and leave Carmen to pick up the pieces?
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-833737292002-10-22T15:50:00.000-07:002002-10-22T15:54:31.000-07:00Yes, there it is. It's even worse than I thought.
He's inciting political violence, yay, murder.
If you need me I'll be in the pool. All day.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-833418012002-10-22T00:47:00.000-07:002002-10-22T01:17:23.000-07:00 Tough Love
The thing about Alan Ramsey is - unlike Dennis Shanahan and Glenn Milne over at the Australian, who basically see it as their role to facilitate the continuation of Coalition rule - Alan's often violent and painful excoriations are a form of tough love.
I suspect Alan would like to see the Labor Party performing at its peak and taking the fight up to the Tories. Unlike some, he has Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-833415942002-10-22T00:38:00.000-07:002002-10-25T17:39:10.000-07:00ANOTHER MEMO
Date: October 22 2002
Priority: High
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT: Wednesday's Sydney Morning Herald and Alan Ramsey column.
MESSAGE:
Labor MPs and staff are requested to carefully comply with the following instructions.
Under no circumstances is anyone to open tomorrow, Wednesday October 23's, Sydney Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-833254352002-10-21T17:51:00.000-07:002002-10-21T17:51:45.740-07:00It's Carmen I'm worried about. I know she still aspires, and there's no doubting her rhetorical skills.
People say we're too Melbourne-centric, but having Alan Ramsey banging away twice a week to Sydney's mochiata-slurpers doesn't do us much good in Sidders.
He's going to have a go at me tomorrow, I just know it.
But don't you smirk Carmen! You'd fare even worse.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-832878632002-10-21T01:04:00.000-07:002002-10-21T01:07:22.000-07:00MEMO
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT: Alan Ramsey and speech analysts
MESSAGE:
Labor MPs are instructed not to talk to Sydney Morning Herald journalist Alan Ramsey this week. Repeat, do not.
I do not want to see any unsourced quotation marks in his column, either on Wednesday or Saturday, that have come from Labor members.
To Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-832835632002-10-20T22:27:00.000-07:002002-10-20T22:27:45.813-07:00Cunningham, oh Cunningham. What hast thou done? What did I do to you?
Those bastards in Sussex St did this on purpose. God they're hopeless.
I phoned Martin for a little reinforcement. He assured me "they'll fta threwm tug t" [they'll have to get through me to get to you". See deciphering Martin.] He's a good mate. The best.
63 laps today. You know, when you're under the water and your arms Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-832755712002-10-20T19:18:00.000-07:002002-11-03T16:51:34.000-08:00Certainly not looking forward to Alan Ramsey's Wednesday column in SMH. Oh, it'll be rough.
Which Steve Martin film best describes boof-head, aka former MP Steve Martin? Not "The Man with Two Brains" that's for sure. "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels". Yes. "The Jerk", for sure.
Catchyas. I'm off to the pool and will hopefully stay underwater all day.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-832687632002-10-20T16:34:00.000-07:002002-10-20T16:34:17.903-07:00The Merc was right. My future is on the line. I'd like to disappear for a few months.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831934562002-10-18T17:28:00.000-07:002002-10-18T17:28:14.980-07:00My future is on the line, says Illawarra Mercury. Where's Stuart Littlemore when you need him?
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831933362002-10-18T17:23:00.000-07:002002-10-18T17:23:53.503-07:00D-Day. Knot in stomach.
See young Lauchie at the Andrew Olle speech thingee last night? The lad had a point to make about uppity broadsheets and the ABC, which is worth making, but he should have availed himself of a ruthless editor or studied the opinion page of his own broadsheet, The Oz.
Short, sweet and pungent makes for good message, especially one uncomplicated, like Lauchie's. But the Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831549502002-10-17T22:20:00.000-07:002002-10-17T22:22:41.000-07:00More on the "story" of the US expressing an interest in Cunningham.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831546732002-10-17T22:13:00.000-07:002002-10-17T22:17:22.000-07:00Martin says Cunningham tomorrow will be a contest "tween real strayns n un-strayn nkers"" [between real Australians and un-Australian wankers, see Deciphering Martin ]
The un-Australian wankers are, of course, Greens voters. Martin loathes them with a passion, no less so because they reside disproportionately in his own electorate of Batman.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831426972002-10-17T17:09:00.000-07:002002-10-17T17:09:09.440-07:00Now this story in the Merc has a new poll showing us losing closely the Greens tomorrow.
De facto Lib Moulds has overtaken Wilson as the third biggest vote getter. This is a silver lining, as his voters (despite his how to vote card) are probably more likely to preference us than Wilson's would be.
Confused? Don't be, just be afraid very afraid, like me.
On a more existential note: just what Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831146322002-10-17T05:56:00.000-07:002002-10-17T05:59:11.000-07:00Greetings from an internet cafe in Sanur Beach, Bali. Much more my style than tacky Kuta.
I'll be back for Cunningham on Saturday. I'm very very worried about it, actually. Alan Ramsey will be gunning for me if we go down, and when Alan's on to you he's like a dog with a bone, week in week out.
He's ever so kind to the PM these days. I put it down to creeping conservatism in old age and a Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-831142362002-10-17T05:43:00.000-07:002002-10-17T05:43:57.790-07:00Yanquis interested in Cunningham, according to that great paper of record, the Illawarra Mercury.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-829784382002-10-14T13:06:00.000-07:002002-10-15T22:15:43.000-07:00Dear Diary,
This may sound callous, but things are now looking better for us this Saturday in Cunningham. I'm really, really glad the Liberals aren't running.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-828172872002-10-10T17:44:00.000-07:002002-10-10T17:44:06.903-07:00Mark's still in Cunningham, making sure they behave.
He wanted our byelection slogan to be "We decide to comes into the Illawarra, and the circumstances in which they come". Nice ring, but we decided against it.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-827693602002-10-09T18:54:00.000-07:002002-10-10T02:19:37.000-07:00In the NSW Bearpit in the early eighties, two men commanded universal respect. One was a Country Party bloke who's name escapes me. I say "Country Party" because he left the party when it became the National Party. The other was Jack Ferguson, Nifty's deputy from the Left, who died last month.
Both these people were admired for the sincerity with which they held their beliefs and the courtesy Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-827625692002-10-09T16:06:00.000-07:002002-10-10T01:59:10.000-07:00Everybody knows what's best for me. Ms Hewett in the SMH, for one.
Ever been to Wollongong? This week with Bob and Mark, walked through the mall. Scrawny undesirables hanging around the public phones, scratching their pocky skin. Mark hates junkies, really hates them, wanted to go over and have a word. We restrained him.
The place to reveal to the world our crusade against crime. (Nothing to doSimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826810832002-10-08T02:29:00.000-07:002002-10-08T02:29:27.736-07:00I must say I'm rather annoyed with our fourth estate. We did this conference for them and them only. This was to create a Whitlam-like momentum towards victory.
Now, instead of tales of my heroism against the forces of inertia the general theme is that I almost got rolled and it doesn't mean much anyway.
Did 57 laps today. Wanted to stop at 53 but pushed myself.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826642552002-10-07T18:01:00.000-07:002002-10-07T18:03:32.000-07:00Martin just phoned. Reckoned he'd come up with a solution to mandatory detention. "Shoot morl, un-strayn stards" [Shoot them all, the un-Australian bastards] (see deciphering Martin) he said, before dissolving into fits of laughter and hanging up.
Not sure if he was referring to the refugees or ALP members who were advocating a less tough approach. I think both - that was part of the joke.
He Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826625882002-10-07T17:23:00.000-07:002002-10-07T21:28:20.000-07:00Factions
Our factions are pathetic parodies of their former selves.
There are three Lefts.
We have the Hanson-Left, who hate economic and social liberalism and yearn for the ALP of Cocky Calwell. My good friend Martin and his brother Laurie are leading lights.
Then there is the chardonnay Left - enough said. (Well, just one more word - Carmen.)
And the sensible Left - Lindsay Tanner.
And Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826346572002-10-07T06:11:00.000-07:002002-10-07T17:56:42.000-07:00I'm lying in bed with my lappy watching Lateline: Wayne Swan and Barry Jones rabbiting on about what rules were and weren't passed.
I'm reminded of a decade ago, the the 1993 election. Our last taste of the elixir.
Barry Jones, ALP Prez at the time, made a very underated contribution to that campaign. Voters lumped Keating and Hewson together as the same unabidable cold economic fish, and BarrySimonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826334702002-10-07T05:34:00.000-07:002002-10-07T06:24:54.000-07:00Time for beddy byes. I feel good about the weekend despite the unfriendly press treatment.
I managed to nobble Glenn Milne on that agreement on refugees by stirring the old News v Fairfax rivalry. Often worth a try, though not too often. But he was still less than enthusiastic.
I give today's press coverage 3/10.
I didn't get a swim in today. This may account for the flatness. Ok, time for an Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826173772002-10-06T19:26:00.000-07:002002-10-06T19:37:31.000-07:00I wonder what Carmen's doing today? Is it a public holiday in Perth? That's the trouble with this bloody country, you can't keep tabs on people when they're on the other side of it.
Martin tells me to 'watch t unstrayn .. tch, safter job' [watch that un-Australian woman, she's after your job] (see deciphering Martin)
But caucus wouldn't be so silly.
Would they?
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826157362002-10-06T18:49:00.000-07:002002-10-06T19:15:06.000-07:00The count is in: Howard to go
I, however, can count, and just did a few sums. Malcolm Fraser was Prime Minister from November 11 1975 to March 5 1983, which is seven years and four months, give or take.
Bob Hawke, from March 1983 to December 1991. That is eight years and nine months.
John Howard was elected March 1996. If he wants to beat Mal he'll have to stay 'til July 2003. That is, until Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826139022002-10-06T18:04:00.000-07:002002-10-06T18:12:35.000-07:00Typical Sydney-centric column in The Australian today. This one by Michael Duffy. He thinks we need to capture - you guessed it - the aspirational voters in Sydney's west.
As a political analyst Duffy makes an excellent book publisher. For one thing he gets the name of Jackie Kelly's seat wrong. For another he thinks elections are decided in Sydney's west. That is, he can't count.
Still, I Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-826111722002-10-06T16:47:00.000-07:002002-10-06T16:48:27.000-07:00There's a film that I've never seen called "Weekend at Bernies" where these two guys cart around a dead body all weekend pretending he's alive.
Boy, am I glad no-one came up with that one in anticipation of last weekend!Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825881882002-10-06T02:04:00.000-07:002002-10-08T02:23:42.000-07:00That unreconstructed old Keynesian hippy John Quiggin
Which is nice.
The conference was a ripping success, I reckon. And I got my 43 laps in at lunchtime.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825733312002-10-05T17:01:00.000-07:002002-10-05T17:33:43.000-07:00Did you see me on Insiders today? Fire in the Belly, was what you saw. Onwards & upwards.
And when I want your advice I'll ask for it, Alan Ramsey.
Off for 60 laps. Catchya.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825513462002-10-05T01:10:00.000-07:002002-10-05T17:34:37.000-07:00My good friend Martin is, as you know, a leading light in the Victorian (non-tomato) left faction. But this is just an accident of history.
Martin once confided to me that "much vwot Hans sheel s sense" (Much of what Pauline Hanson says makes sense) (see deciphering Martin). I love him like a brother, but he's a worry sometimes.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825510752002-10-05T00:54:00.000-07:002002-10-06T16:50:35.000-07:00Fire in the Belly
Got 50:50 through, 121 votes to 169. Oh well, that's done.
The other day in the Qantas Club lounge I ran into a high profile pollster and we had a drink and chatted about this and that. About me, mainly.
He reckons that the punters aren't particularly enamoured of John Howard, but there ain't nothing else on offer. They a suspect I agree with him on most things anyway, that Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825015452002-10-03T21:37:00.000-07:002002-10-04T22:05:38.000-07:00Martin just phoned. We're catching the plane up to Canberra together tonight. He's been good, fortifying me to stick it to those "un-strayn nkers" [un-Australian wankers] (see Deciphering Martin) who would water down our border protection policy.
He reminds me that those people in the camps are themselves "un-strayn" - a proposition against which it is not possible to argue.
My chances of Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825011372002-10-03T21:26:00.000-07:002002-10-03T21:26:50.000-07:00The Australian's Dennis ("oh, please may I moisten my nose in your posterior, Mr Prime Minister") Shanahan has a huge swipe at me today, saying that according to Newspoll, I'm the worst performing opposition leader since ... forever.
I shall not let these things get me down, for tomorrow I will conquer all before me.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-825008502002-10-03T21:19:00.000-07:002002-10-03T21:19:02.153-07:00Big rules shit-fight in Canberra tomorrow. I'm actually feeling good about it. I'm going to give it to those bastards, drag the trogs into the real world. You just watch me, I'll have fire in my belly. And I'm talking to you, Roozo!
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-824387622002-10-02T16:16:00.000-07:002002-10-02T23:59:29.000-07:00Martin says we should bomb the crap out of Iraq because "they're un-strayn" (un-Australian). (see Deciphering Martin) Carmen wants to adopt them all. Woe is me.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-824385602002-10-02T16:10:00.000-07:002002-10-02T16:10:58.143-07:00Boofhead continues to give me a headache in Cunningham.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-824075332002-10-02T01:24:00.000-07:002002-10-02T15:13:59.000-07:00As I write, my esteemed foreign affairs spokesman is at it again, on "Australia Talks Back", an ABC talkshow. Ruddy would do anything to get his noggin/voice on air.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823986332002-10-01T20:33:00.000-07:002002-10-01T20:45:30.000-07:00Wed 1:28pm (Melbourne time). Back from pool. Did 46 laps. Swimming always exhilarates but on the way back I was overcome, not for the first time, by a spiritual numbness. Nay, an interminable flatness, not unlike this city.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823870012002-10-01T16:00:00.000-07:002002-10-25T20:08:30.000-07:00Deciphering Martin
I rang Martin last night. Martin is one of my best mates. The thing about Martin is that, when speaking, he leaves out every second syllable. It's not as bad as it sounds, because if you ask him to repeat, there's a 50% chance that he'll leave out the other syllables the second time around.
For instance, last night's conversation started like this:
Me: G'day Martin
Martin: Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823511822002-09-30T22:22:00.000-07:002002-09-30T22:22:47.116-07:00Am I boring because I'm so bored? Or is it the other way around?
Life can be complex.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823501292002-09-30T21:54:00.000-07:002002-10-03T21:47:29.000-07:00The thing that annoys me about Rudd is the way he's taken control of this Iraq stuff.
Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823497432002-09-30T21:43:00.000-07:002002-09-30T21:43:50.523-07:00Mark went a little troppo last week. Had a go at Paddy McGuinness, of all people. Paddy had questioned his sobriety in a column, which coming from Paddy is really just asking for it. Mark returned the compliment.
It's true Mark hasn't been taking care of himself lately. I think they should get together over a beer. What I mean is they deserve each other.
Not looking forward to the Cunningham Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823483722002-09-30T21:07:00.000-07:002002-10-03T21:48:16.000-07:00Did you see today's Newspoll in the Australian? Written up by Dennis Shanahan. He says "The Coalition remains in a dominant position". He forgets we have preferential voting.
Utting hasn't been doing much out there lately - we ain't got the cash - but the little he has is in broad agreement with Newspoll. After preferences we're a good three points ahead.
So hold your horses Carmen, I'm not Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823451142002-09-30T19:51:00.000-07:002002-09-30T19:52:25.000-07:00As I noted earlier, I admit to being boring. But at least I'm comfortable with it. Unlike the Prime Minister, who feels the need to liven his blogspot up with razzamattaz. With me it's just what you see is what you get. Take me or leave me.
No, don't leave me. Yet.
It's nearly one o'clock and not much has happened. Bob & I decided to do the opposition thing on this "war tax" beatup. But really,Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3824492.post-823431702002-09-30T19:10:00.000-07:002002-09-30T19:10:14.096-07:00Do you want to know what being opposition leader is like? It's like being stuck forever at 2:30 on a very long and dull Sunday afternoon.Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02580380366642616675noreply@blogger.com