Simon Crean MP
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Friday, October 25, 2002
Saturday is Big Swim day. I sleep in a little to about seven, laze around for about half an hour, and then off to the pool for a longer, more leisurely but no less exhausting swim. This morning I got 63 slow laps in. A glorious, comforting warmth that seeps into every muscle.
I don't even open the paper until after I'm back and showered with the coffee, orange juice and - that other Saturday treat in these trimmer days - croissant with butter and jam. With wife and kids, just like a normal person.
This morning I started on the Age, then the Australian, then the SMH. Great news there, see memo below. Then it was the Hun and, to see how the other half lives, the Sydney Tele.
The troops have been good this week. Cookie was great. Mark and Albo on Lateline on Monday as well. The NSW branch needs federal intervention, that's for sure; they are not supplying talent anymore but bitch and moan because they're not in the leadership team.
Shaun Carney was tough but fair this morning, although much too harsh on Sharon Bird in Cunningham. People I met in the 'Gong thought she was quite a good candidate but didn't like the manner in which she was imposed.
You all have a good weekend now. Don't worry about Tuesday's Newspoll .
ANOTHER MEMO
Date: October 26 2002
Priority: High
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT:Today's Sydney Morning Herald - Alan Ramsey column.
MESSAGE:
Further to Thursday's memo, by now you all would have read Alan Ramsey's column in today's Saturday Herald.
This is a wonderful result, of which each and every one of you can be proud. The idea, given Alan's propensity to ponder on world affairs, was a masterstroke; for the execution we can give special thanks to Michael Danby and Janice Crosio.
But this was very much a group effort, which goes to show what we can achieve if we pull together. Not only was our main aim - steering Alan's main column away from delicate matters - achieved with this Israel distraction, we got the added bonus of a GG story in the bottom panel.
Great stuff everyone. Enjoy your weekends.
Thanks again.
Ends
Thursday, October 24, 2002
Dennis Shanahan is getting his nose all dripping wet again.
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
ANOTHER MEMO
Date: October 24 2002
Priority: High
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT: Saturday's Sydney Morning Herald - Alan Ramsey column.
MESSAGE:
Let me start by thanking everyone for their co-operation with the instructions of the memo of Tuesday 22nd October. I understand it may have seemed draconian, but the steps taken were appropriate in the circumstances.
The Cunningham by-election result was a setback, there's no getting away from it. But we must move forward and regroup to face the real enemy - Alan Ramsey.
I want us to anticipate, run interference and minimise any damage from the upcoming Saturday's column.
Everyone put their thinking caps on. Ideally we would like to send him on a trip down memory lane, but not to anything on which parallels with my leadership could be drawn.
If you've got something in the bottom draw, now's the time to pull it out. John Faulkner and my offices will be co-ordinating. Any correspondence with Alan will be through John.
Note, the instructions of Monday October 21 not to communicate with Alan in any form whatsover still stand.
Thanks again all for your co-operation and support.
Remember, that which doesn't kill us makes us strong.
Ends
My gran used to say 'these things are sent to try us'.
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
Mark must think I'm silly. I know he's Alan's candidate. Alan's out of context reference to "One Crean defender, NSW's Mark Latham" just laid it on too thick.
They're plotting together. Don't the fools know that we'll just destroy each other and leave Carmen to pick up the pieces?
Yes, there it is. It's even worse than I thought.
He's inciting political violence, yay, murder.
If you need me I'll be in the pool. All day.
Tough Love
The thing about Alan Ramsey is - unlike Dennis Shanahan and Glenn Milne over at the Australian, who basically see it as their role to facilitate the continuation of Coalition rule - Alan's often violent and painful excoriations are a form of tough love.
I suspect Alan would like to see the Labor Party performing at its peak and taking the fight up to the Tories. Unlike some, he has the best interests of this great party at heart.
I just wish he'd back off abit.
Still, he just gets warmer and warmer with Howard, and his absolutism on mandatory detention is a bit of a worry. I think Alan is suffering from that hoary affliction, conservatism in old age.
Have I mentioned I'm not looking forward to tomorrow's column?
ANOTHER MEMO
Date: October 22 2002
Priority: High
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT: Wednesday's Sydney Morning Herald and Alan Ramsey column.
MESSAGE:
Labor MPs and staff are requested to carefully comply with the following instructions.
Under no circumstances is anyone to open tomorrow, Wednesday October 23's, Sydney Morning Herald until a member of my staff has opened and dealt with it.
When the morning papers arrive at your office, you are to put the Sydney Morning Herald on the floor near the front door. You are not to open it. A member of my staff will come to your office and cut out the Alan Ramsey column from the opinion page. They will then return the paper to you and you may then open and read it.
We shall also be monitering online f2 access from Labor MP's office.
I trust you understand why this is necessary. In these trying times unusual actions must be taken.
None of us enjoys this.
Hopefully my staff will get to all of you before 10am tomorrow.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Ends
Monday, October 21, 2002
It's Carmen I'm worried about. I know she still aspires, and there's no doubting her rhetorical skills.
People say we're too Melbourne-centric, but having Alan Ramsey banging away twice a week to Sydney's mochiata-slurpers doesn't do us much good in Sidders.
He's going to have a go at me tomorrow, I just know it.
But don't you smirk Carmen! You'd fare even worse.
MEMO
TO: Federal Labor Caucus
CC: Secretariat
FROM: Simon Crean, Leader of the Opposition
SUBJECT: Alan Ramsey and speech analysts
MESSAGE:
Labor MPs are instructed not to talk to Sydney Morning Herald journalist Alan Ramsey this week. Repeat, do not.
I do not want to see any unsourced quotation marks in his column, either on Wednesday or Saturday, that have come from Labor members.
To this end we have hired speech analysts. Culprits will be identified from written transcript of their words and punished severely.
This message applies especially to NSW members, who should, with their colleagues in Sussex Street, be sharing more of the blame for last Saturday's debacle.
Ends
Sunday, October 20, 2002
Cunningham, oh Cunningham. What hast thou done? What did I do to you?
Those bastards in Sussex St did this on purpose. God they're hopeless.
I phoned Martin for a little reinforcement. He assured me "they'll fta threwm tug t" [they'll have to get through me to get to you". See deciphering Martin.] He's a good mate. The best.
63 laps today. You know, when you're under the water and your arms are starting to hurt and you break the pain barrier it's just you, your body and the pool. Nothing else matters. I like that. Sooner or later, however, you have to get out.
Certainly not looking forward to Alan Ramsey's Wednesday column in SMH. Oh, it'll be rough.
Which Steve Martin film best describes boof-head, aka former MP Steve Martin? Not "The Man with Two Brains" that's for sure. "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels". Yes. "The Jerk", for sure.
Catchyas. I'm off to the pool and will hopefully stay underwater all day.
The Merc was right. My future is on the line. I'd like to disappear for a few months.
