Friday, November 08, 2002

 
Alan Ramsey probably gets about five bucks a word. In today's Sydney Morning Herald his bottom bar ended with this

Finally, a pun to end all puns. Remember, the white rabbit story a few months back from press gallery colleague Geoff Barker? His latest email will mean nothing to anyone ignorant of the Andrews sisters' rousing 1940s hit, Ragtime Cowboy Joe. But if not, then sit back and savour.

Interpol was looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting in the Israeli city of Haifa. The suspect, a former flautist and occasional farmer, was described as the son of a Spanish ex-nun and a German salesman. In other words, a "Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time ploughboy, Joe".

A great line to end the week.

Alan shouldn't do jokes, Comrades. And a man with no sense of humour is not one whose political analysis you should take seriously.

I have an embarrassment of talent on my frontbench. I also have a Queenslander called Craig Emerson. Most of them seem to want my job. Alan wants to give it to Mark. His Wednesday and Saturday full frontal assaults won't stop until his will is done.

But I am strong. Mark, while providing colourful copy for the gallery, would be a disaster for the party. And Labor never, ever knifes a leader without giving him one election. Even the Libs don't generally do that, unless your name is Alexander Downer.

Which, of course, mine isn't.

It's been a busy week. I'll bring you all up to date later.

posted by Simon 2:00 pm

Sunday, November 03, 2002

 
The sleeping pill knocked me out but didn't stop the dreams. Had another nasty one last night. I'm in a big shopping centre. I'm feeling uncomfortable as those things always give me the willies anyway. Carmen and Martin are there. Carmen is talking to several people and they're having a great time, laughing and joking. Martin and I are just kind of hanging around, not knowing what to do. I go up to Carmen's group and try to talk, but I can't. Then they're all laughing at me, I pretend to laugh too to join in, but they just laugh some more and I try to talk but I can't. I turn around to look for Martin and he's just looking like a dork, no use at all. Now my mouth won't open at all and everyone's laughing at me.

I screamed and woke up.

posted by Simon 4:59 pm

 
Another nightmare from last night I've just remembered. It was most unpleasant. I was being chased by Alan Ramsey. He had a big fat rolled up copy of the Saturday Sydney Morning Herald and was obviously intending to inflict harm on my head with it. I'm having trouble getting away - my legs are dragging. Then Mark Latham appears in front of me. At first I'm relieved to see him, but then he too has something in his hand and it's also a big big SMH and he proceeds to belt me around the head and body with it.

I fell down and tried to get up, mindful that Mark might start using his boots. Then I woke up.

I'll take a sleeping pill tonight. Good night.

posted by Simon 12:57 am