Thursday, September 25, 2003

 
One day Prime Minister John Howard was sitting in his office with nothing to do. Treasurer Costello was running a razor gang, Phllip Ruddock was banging on about refos, Alex Downer was lecturing the UN about something, saying "don't you know who I am?". John Howard was bored and restless. So he went out to do a little arse-licking.

He left Parly House and walked across the bridge towards Civic. On the way he licked six people's arses. They might not have all enjoyed it, but each of them knew their arse had been well and truly licked - no doubt about that, from the looks on their faces.

"I still got it", said Johnny Howard, rather like the Fonz used to. "Heeyyy"

Johnny Howard thought he'd go see a flick, so he went to that one near the bus stop. Terminator 3 was on, so Mr Howard paid his money and went in. What followed was simply incredible.

Have you seen the Woody Allen film "The Purple Rose of Cairo"? That's where Mia Farrow falls in love with a character in a film and ... it's been so long since I saw it, but the character comes out into the real world and they have an affair and .... the real life actor gets involved somehow and ... she ends up going into the film ... I can't remember, but it's a good film.

Anyway, something similar happened to John Howard when he saw Terminator III. This tale too is convoluted, but along the way John Howard becomes governor of California, Robert Hill goes back in time to make sure Peter Reith was never born, Phillip Ruddock turns out to be a cyborg that can turn to liquid, and Big Arnie leads the Labor Party to victory.

Hey! I don't like that last part.

To be continued ....
posted by Simon 9:53 pm

 
What's the point in it all? There is none. That's how I'm feeling today.

I know I'm a jerk with no pulling power. Of course my comparisons between myself and John Howard when he was opposition leader are pathetic. But what's a fellow to do?

People often stop me in the street and ask me why I bother. Just this week I was strolling with Martin down Flinders Street when a bloke with two kids in tow, eating ice-creams, accosted me. This is what he said.

"Mate, fair dinkum, you're a fucking clown. You are pathetic. You are so boring you make that little c*nt John Howard look interesting. For fuck's sake give it away."

After turning to walk away, he shot back this: "I'll still vote for you, but".

That's the point, this is why I stick it out. There will always be some people so rusted on to the great old Labor Party that they'll vote for us no matter what, no matter how we fuck them around. So what if people don't have a clue what I stand for. Millions are gonna vote for me. I can live with that.

Sorry if I don't have much interesting to say today, but I don't feel interesting. I feel flat and boring.

Catchyas.
posted by Simon 9:39 pm